Lunch

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work onscaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one moretime for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

Live Longer - Pray!

A recent study conducted by Duke University studied 4,000 older adults from rural North Carolina. Study results show that private prayer and Bible study contribute to people living longer and healthier lives. The study shows that prayer lowers stress levels.

In other related studies, Bible study and church attendence can lower the risk of diastolic hypertension by 40 percent. Also, elderly heart patients who rely on faith were 14 times less likely to die after surgery.

Here's the full article:
http://www.family.org/focusoverfifty/articles/a0019095.cfm

Christian Prices?

Why is that you have to pay around $17.99 for a Christian music CD at a Christian bookstore? Why is it that even at your local discount store a Christian music CD cost $2-$3 more than a secular music cd? What about $29.99 for a Christian music DVD verses $20.oo for secular?

Music can often speak to the soul in a way that nothing else can. Shouldn't it be readily available at a more comparable price? After all, we cannot put a price on spreading the gospel!

Beware of Scientology

An evil space alien brought billions of people from different planets and blew them up, brainwashing them and leaving them to float around on earth, including in our heads? Give me a break. Unfortunately, this isn't just a bad plot from a movie that bombed out at the box office. Thousands of poor misled people actually believe this is the truth.

They are part of a cult called Scientology, a mysterious "religion" (meaning they get tax-free status) who has been promoted heavily this year with the help of a certain actor who just cannot seem to draw enough attention to himself.

For more information, check out this site:
http://www.apologeticsindex.org/s04.html

Things to Ponder

• Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money inbinoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Why is it that you can't read a Bible in school, but you can in prison?
• Can you cry under water?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• If money doesn't grow in trees then why do banks have branches?
• Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
• Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going to?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
• Why do we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
• ?Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
• If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" Or watch a white thing come out a chicken behind and think, "that ought to taste good."
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
• When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped buy the police and asked for you license, are you going to be smiling?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
• If the professor on Gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
• If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME equipment, why didn't he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Dolphins Rescued!

Out of the many heartbreaking stories that have been published about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, every once in a while you find one that gives hope.

Trainers feared the worst for these six intelligent creatures when their home was destroyed. Miraculously, the dolphins were found in the gulf and have now been rescued.

For some reason, I have been captivated by the rescue of these dolphins. I guess it is because when you hear so many stories of tragedy, it warms your heart to be reminded that miracles happen in the midst of turmoil.

Here's the news story: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9343538/

Another Blow to Computer World

As if Microsoft wasn't enough of a monopoly already, a report released today announces plans of Time Warner to sell AOL off to the technology giant. Personally, I have never been a fan of AOL, but it is worrysome to see yet another competitor bite the dust.

Battle Over Freedom of Speech

A San Francisco judge proclaimed today that recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools is unconstitutional, potentially spinning the case back up to the attention of the Supreme Court. How sad that we cannot teach children the values that our forefathers found so important. How sad that we cannot teach children the importance of reverence for our nation and its flag.

As a Christian, it's easy for me to say that I don't see a problem with seeing or hearing the words "under God". If one chooses to reject God and this line offends them, they can simply close their mouth in silence instead of speaking it.

I hear things all day long that offend me - language that people use sometimes, sexist or racist comments, ridiculous news items (like this one) that drag our government's attention away from where it should be, etc, etc, etc. Just because I'm personally offended doesn't mean that the offenders are not entitled to their freedom of speech. I can choose whether or not I want to listen or participate.

We cannot please everyone. It just can't happen. If people stopped worrying so much about listening for something to be offended by, there would be much less anger in the world. If everyone in the world were to take responsibility for their own words, actions and deeds we would all be better off.

Anyway, back to the phrase "under God". It could be a lot worse. God's message is all about love. A nation under God is one protected by His love. A nation under God is a grouping of people who live in respect for one another. A nation under God shows respect to our heritage and learns from mistakes made in our history. No, it's not a perfect nation. That cannot exist. It is a nation who strives to do right. I wish these things could be said of our nation.

Site Spotlight: c h r o m a s i a

If you are interested into photography, I just wanted to share this site. David J. Nightingale displays a beautiful new picture from his collection each day:

c h r o m a s i a
(http://www.chromasia.com/iblog/)

Brain Teasers

Here are a few stories to make you feel like a genius:

I went to McDonald's. I looked at the menu and saw that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half-dozen nuggets. "We don't have a half-dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries; it's a long walk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Gas Station Sign: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed

.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.